I took a week off of life as a patient to visit my hometown. Portland is where I grew up, where I returned, where most of my people are. My fiancé, my brothers, my friends are all here. I want to devour them and take them with me. I hate being so far away from everyone, from real life, from my funny city where people move to dream and try on costumes. It's not that I hate living in Washington with my moms in the country or with Mom in Seattle; I starvingly miss the comfortable back-and-forth and flashes of silliness from my Portland tribe. Everyone I love here is brilliant and lovely. Everyone is warm and interesting. Everyone has their own ways to show love and each of those ways makes me crave everyone's company and bask in the glow of reciprocal fondness. There are kind people in Seattle. Generous people, considerate people, insightful people. They aren't mine. They don't live in my heart every day, pushing me along with their delight in being alive. I have had a week here and as scared as I was to leave the security of the Seattle hospitals, my heart is breaking to leave again.
There is a store in Portland called Crafty Wonderland. It started as a craft fair in the performance space at Doug Fir and grew into it's own local-made shop downtown. Everything is made by people in my community, and everything is thoughtful and easy to admire. I was walking through today to touch it all, to soak up the Portland essence it holds. I felt tears prick my eyes a few times, wishing I could make this cancer shit just Stop. so I can stay here where much of my love is concentrated.
Here is something amazing coming out of Eugene/Springfield, which is an hour from my home:
"Bald for Bri" is an Indie GoGo fundraiser put on by my sweet friend Hannah. If she raises $1,000 to help me with living-through-cancer expenses, she will shave her head! Please look at this video she made, including that pretty face that is going to be topped with naught but fuzz by the end of the 30 days.