I should change the name of this blog to "Actual Cancer" because even though MDS is almost cancer, I have had actual cancer in my vulva and now in two of my fingers. That's right, I have finger cancer. I might also have toe cancer. Unreal. It's related to my aggressive case of HPV, and has destroyed the nail bed on one of my fingers and is threatening to do so to another. A biopsy a few weeks ago turned up cancer cells and not the benign wart tissue we were hoping for. I had X-rays taken on Friday to see if the cancer cells have spread to my bones, and I will have to have surgery on at least the really bad finger. The outcome of this surgery in its best-case scenario is "we will try to save as much of the tip of your finger as we can." This makes me feel sick to my stomach. I also have new areas of concern in the bikini zone, so I have to admit to a little bit of freaking out. I'm scared of cancer cells spreading to my bones and my lymphatic system. I desperately want to get this cancer crap behind me. Maybe finger cancer sounds like no big deal or the punchline to some joke, but after everything I have already battled a little bit of finger cancer is cause for alarm.
Since Seattle, I have had two colds and a sinus infection. As a result, I am more out-of-shape than when I left. I feel pudgy and gross. I bought myself Zumba 2 for the Wii and a stability ball, and there is a recumbent stationary bike I can use if I can drag it out of the room with the cat box, so now that my airways are clearing I should have no excuse not to exercise. Except I am so tired. So very tired all the time. Granted, regular exercise should help with fatigue, but holy crap it is hard to start my body moving. It's like my limbs are full of wet sand.
There are a few things I would like to do next summer, including Camp Koru's surf & stand-up paddle board program in Hawai'i. I have applied and need to have my doctor fax my medical release, but the hard part (if I get a spot at one of the camps) will be raising the funds for my airfare, but it looks like there is the possibility of securing a scholarship. Cross your fingers.